Thanks, friends, for all the comments. Many have told me that I need to stop looking for love and just let it come to me. Maybe it's just my perception, but it seems like this advice mostly comes from people already in a relationship. You make me jealous. The truth is, there is a better chance that I will become an auto mechanic than there is of my giving up on the search for love. But I appreciate the fact that you care, and maybe I am not approaching the issue with enough logic and reason.
I do have common sense. Trust me. It doesn't manifest itself when I am pitching over the waves flailing in the sea of emotion and lovesick stupidity, but after the storm passes I can be quite rational. I'm not exactly all that sane at the moment, which makes for a good blog entry, if nothing else.
I am sensibility right now. Not sense. I'm deep emotional feeling. It's all on the surface. Yesterday I cried three times before getting to the office. All three instances were a direct result of hearing a song that moved me. After work I cried once, briefly, and then made an insane phone call to someone I used to date and told him I would drive several hours to visit him for one night this week only to turn around and return to Portland so I could go to the office the next morning.
Sensibility. Not sense.
I hesitated to finish a bag of tortilla chips this week, because Pony had brought them over a few weeks ago. I wanted the bag to still be there in my cabinet. If that makes no sense to you, I can't explain it. You wouldn't get it. Remember when I saved an empty ketchup bottle to remind me of Crunchy? It's like that.
Sensibility. Not sense.
Fortunately, I have friends with sense. They encourage me to throw away old ketchup bottles. They discourage me from stalking ex-boyfriends.
They write me wonderful sentiments and words of encouragement in e-mail. Today I received this bit of hope from my friend eclecticon:
"Mr. Right might be just around a corner. That also means that YOU are a Mr. Right who's just around the corner from a lonely guy who's wondering whether he's doomed to be lonely forever..."
I know I'm someone's Mr. Right. I would be the best boyfriend in the world for the right guy. Thanks, eclecticon! You inspired me to make this list:
Top Ten Reasons Hot Toddy is Mr. Right
1. I'm not a cheater. If I commit to you, I will honor that commitment.
2. I communicate. I don't often shut people out. If something is bothering me, I'll want to talk about it. If something is bothering you, I'll want you to tell me.
3. I don't make mountains out of molehills. I've learned how to pick my battles. I'm not going to fight with you over where the end table should be placed in the living room. I won't get mad if you want Thai food for dinner even though I'm in the mood for Mexican. I believe in compromise, especially when it comes to the little things.
4. I love music and love to share great songs with someone I love. I can sit for hours just listening to music. You can play for me all the songs you love the most, and I'll listen and probably grow to love those same songs because they are special to you. I'll harmonize with you unless you're one of those nuts who can't stay on the melody when you hear harmony. If you are one of those nuts, I'll tease you about that, for sure.
5. I love sex. I can't remember ever saying, "I'm not in the mood," to any past boyfriend. Ever. Hot Toddy's Toaster Oven is always on the Broil setting.
6. I'll make you laugh. It's one of my favorite things to do. One guy I dated told me that life with me was one big comedy act. "I say that with all the love in the world," he told me. That's one of the best compliments I could ask for. The world needs to laugh harder and more often, and I'll do my best to help out.
7. I'll embrace your friends and family. I'll give them my whole heart if they are important to you, because I want to value the people you care about.
8. I'll take care of you when you're sick. I'll drive you to work if your car breaks down. I'll make you mac & cheese every single night of your god-forsaken life. Okay, so cooking isn't one of my strengths. How about I just take you to dinner?
9. I'm open to trying new things. I'm not "set in my ways" and probably never will be. I love change and experimenting and being flexible.
10. I won't give up on you. I don't know how to give up on a person, unless they ask me to give up. When a man wants me to give up, I will let him go. But not before.
Maybe I'll marry myself. I sound pretty good considering I'm insane.