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Seething Cakes of Hatred

Making pancakes, as I learned at AP's birthday bash at the beach this weekend, is an unbelievably tedious chore. I don't know why I...

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Open Letter to God

Dear God:

We haven't talked in a while, but I have an important favor to ask you. Can you please let us have a new leader? President Bush claims that he's your guy, and I'm sure that embarrasses you terribly, so please prove otherwise.

My mother said that you don't want us to hate. She also said you don't want us to say "shut up" or "crap", which I never fully understood. Yes, I digress, but it's your own fault for giving me Attention Deficit Disorder, isn't it?

Anyway. I'm sure it is your preference that we don't hate. On the other hand, it seems certain that we are expected to hate some things, right? I've yet to meet someone who doesn't hate projectile vomiting, for example. Most people I know also hate lima beans and Andie MacDowell's acting. I am pretty sure you will be understanding if I tell you that I hate our leader. I'm sorry, but I do. I can't look at his face for four more years. I can't listen to that voice. I can't bear to be oppressed by him and have the rest of the world hate us so much due to his policies.

I can, however, promise you that I wouldn't hate him so much if he weren't the president. I wouldn't hate him so much if he were just a dumb guy on television who said stupid things like, "I've coined new words, like 'misunderstanding' and 'Hispanically'". But he's not just a dumb guy on television. He's in charge, and that scares the crap heck out of me! Please make him just a dumb guy again so that I can hate less. I don't want to hate.

God, there are tons of other requests I could make from you, but this is the most important one: Please give us another president tonight. And thank you, God, for reading Hot Toddy's Toaster Oven. Leave me a comment sometime!


Anonymous said...

Dear HTTO,

I received your open letter. I am responding to inform that I have decided to support the re-election of my man, President George W. Bush. I am unable to support you in your quest to purge the country of its most capable leader. I hope that you will see the light and accept my truth. If not, you will, of course, continue to be reincarnated until you do.



Mover Mike said...

Dear Hot Toddy, Please understand I am not able to help you at this time. I have many that are ahead of you praying for another four more years of President Bush. Tell you what, by the time I get through all the prayers, it looks like I will be able to get to your request about January of 2008.
God's Helper (God's busy at this time)