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Seething Cakes of Hatred

Making pancakes, as I learned at AP's birthday bash at the beach this weekend, is an unbelievably tedious chore. I don't know why I...

Wednesday, November 17, 2004


Last weekend I watched one of my favorite shows, Inside the Actors Studio, hosted by James Lipton. [Pop Quiz! True or False - James Lipton is related to the Liptons of Lipton Tea. The answer is at the end of this entry.]

At the end of each episode, James Lipton asks each actor a series of questions from the "famed Bernard Pivot questionnaire". You know Bernard Pivot, right? The guy who invented that move basketball players and ballet dancers sometimes do? Well, when he wasn't inventing movements, Bernard Pivot sometimes wrote questionnaires. Anyway. Renee Zellweger's answer to the question "What is your least favorite sound" was disturbing. She said a bored sigh was her least favorite sound.

"Oh, man. Renee Zellweger would hate me," I thought to myself as I emitted a bored sigh. Ever since this weekend, I have been obsessed with Renee Zellweger's opinion of other aspects of my personality and lifestyle.

This morning I put on my maroon and blue robe and wondered if Renee Zellweger likes those colors. I can't remember if she indicated her favorite color, but I don't think it was blue or maroon. I would have remembered that answer.

Renee Zellweger would probably like hanging out on the patio with me. She didn't specifically state "The Vortex" as a favorite destination, but she never said it wasn't her favorite place either. Her favorite sound, the sound of her dog's tail hitting the floor, is something I could probably simulate. Maybe if I used the sash from my robe to hit the floor, it would make her smile. I so want to make Renee Zellweger smile.

My favorite activity just happens to be Renee Zellweger's favorite swear word. So we're good in that department. But as I go throughout my day, I can' stop wondering of Renee Zellweger's personal preferences. Yesterday, I bought a silver ID bracelet engraved with "WWRZT" to remind me always to consider her thoughts towards me. I wonder if she would have preferred gold.

One thing I know Renee Zellweger would love is the new blog written by my dear friend Auburn Pisces. Auburn Pisces is an insightful writer, and her expressive heartfelt words would delight Renee Zellweger, and hopefully you'll enjoy them as well. Please drop by and wish her well.

*Answer: I don't know.

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