Featured Post

Seething Cakes of Hatred

Making pancakes, as I learned at AP's birthday bash at the beach this weekend, is an unbelievably tedious chore. I don't know why I...

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

Baby Bashing

Ribeye pointed out something in a company communication today that cracked me up, causing me to yell out to the entire floor of my office: "OH MY GOD THE THEME FOR THE MARCH OF DIMES FUNDRAISER THIS YEAR IS HIT A HOME RUN WITH BABIES!!!!!"

Good lord, who comes up with these themes? It is true. The e-mail we all received at work is encouraging us to participate in the March of Dimes this year. We were all instructed to bring baseball bats as props for "Hit a Home Run with Babies". Why stop there? I think Ribeye and I may show up with a couple baby dolls that we can knock out of the park too.

I get so disgusted with the silliness of the whole corporate "team spirit" morale-boosting bullshit.

When they solicited proposals for the company picnic, (Grand Prize for Winning Idea $25 Grocery Store Certificate) I came up with this theme idea:
XXX Company Picnic: No Bonus This Year, but Plenty of Hot Dogs!!

Ribeye likes a combination of the Blood Drive Theme and the Company Picnic Theme:
XXX Company Picnic: Together We Can Save a Life

We agreed it will be hard to top the 1998 theme
Jamaican Me Crazy

We tried to rope our friend Reno into our brainstorming. But instead, he responded with this hilarious (highly sarcastic) e-mail:


Don't drag me into this irreverent bashing of our time honored Company XXX traditions. Maybe for you guys the "company picnic" is just one big joke, but for the rest of us it is a time to come together as coworkers, as a company, and dare I say it...okay I will...as a family. A time to look back on the trials and tribulations of another year, learn from the challenges we've faced and rejoice in our accomplishments, all while stuffing our faces with almost rancid meat and watching our co-workers interact with their dysfunctional and unattractive families.

Thank God I am not alone in this ludicrous world. Thank God I have coworkers like Ribeye and Reno and AuburnPisces who can see through all the ridiculous crap we put up with.

I will leave you with an e-mail I sent to all my friends after "Hawaiian Shirt Day" was announced a few months back. You see, before I discovered blogging, I subjected my friends to e-mails since I had no outlet for my warped humor:

RE: Exciting News From Todd!

I just received the most fantastic e-mail at work!!!! I will try to catch my breath and stay calm enough to type!!!!!!
You will not believe this, but this Friday is Hawaiian Shirt Day for all Security and Business Continuity Planning employees!!!!!!!!!!!

On Friday I will get up and put on a Hawaiian Shirt!!!!! And go to work!!!!!!!!

Oh my gosh!!!! My office is so fun and crazy!!!!! I am so lucky to work in this office!!!!!!!!! Hawaiian shirts are so fun and silly and comfortable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You better believe I am certainly excited about this Friday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just had to share!!!!!!

Aloha!!!!! (Get it???? That is Hawaiian!!!!!!!)

No comments: