My Easter Prayer

Recently, I received a letter from my aunt that said:

"I have been thinking and praying about and for you for a long time. I know we all have been sitting back just letting the topic of your gay lifestyle 'go by the wayside'. No one wants to touch on the subject and we ALL know there are difference of opinions! This is why I have hesitated in writing and yet I decided I would write because WE CARE and WE LOVE YOU too much NOT to say anything to you!!

I also do not have to explain our feelings and our belief. We know you know what that is. I know you were brought up in a loving family with Christian background and beliefs, so we know where you have been. As Uncle B said - we all need to search our hearts and we, too, want to see you in heaven some day!!!

I guess I could go further with this subject but all I really want you to know is that we are praying for you. We love you LOTS. We pray that you will let Jesus back into your life and be what HE wants you to be!!!!! I am hoping you will pray about it too. We want to see ALL OUR FAMILY in heaven some day ~~~~~~ I hope you do too!"
LOVE - AUNT S


Well, I'm not sure how long I would be able to stand heaven with my entire family there for ALL ETERNITY because two or three days at Christmas sometimes seems too long for me to endure, but I decided she may have a point and that I should pray about it.

So, yesterday I was getting ready to pray about it. I had just run five miles so I could lose more fat so I could be more desirable to men I want to sleep with. But I was getting ready to pray about it after I had a fruit smoothie (with no dairy and lots of protein). But the fruit smoothie place moved. According to the sign on the window BIBO MOVED 500 FEET FROM WHERE YOU ARE.

I am not good with measurements unless it relates to that thing I was supposed to be praying about. So I looked everywhere that seemed 500 feet away, but there was no BIBO juice. There were two good looking guys at Torrefazione and one nice looking man at Starbucks. I made a mental note to pray about the wrong feelings I had towards them after I got my smoothie.

Finally, I happened upon BIBO juice after 20 minutes of searching. Thank god, because my prayer list was growing so rapidly it was getting to the point that I would need a pen and paper to keep track. BIBO juice was closed!

FUCK! (That is for you since you chastise me when I edit swear words on my blog)

Then I headed for the mall across the street because I knew there was a juice place in there. As I approached the mall, I saw the empty parking lot and realized it was Easter Sunday. There would be no fruit smoothie for Todd. No new tank top from Meier & Frank (which sounds SO Jewish I can't imagine why the hell they would be closed on Easter).

My Aunt would be happy to know I began praying at that very moment.

"GOD, damn it. I hate this stupid holiday. I'm sorry, Jesus, I know it is your holiday, and thank you for rising from the dead, but all I want is a fruit smoothie. Jesus Christ!"

Amen.