Canada, Here I Come

I live five hours from Vancouver, BC - but I have never visited that city. Tomorrow morning the Yum Yum Brotherhood is headed up there for a weekend of partying and laughter.

This morning I sent the following e-mail to the Yum Yums:

Hey guys - I went to CC Slaughters last night (Country Night) and spent all my money. I will not be able to afford this trip now. I'm sorry, but I hope you guys have fun. I asked you guys several times to take my money up front after I got my tax refund, but you didn't listen. Now it's gone.

F. wrote back:

Todd, this just doesn't make sense. You'll need about $300 for the trip. Do you mean to tell us that you blew it all in one night? And this trip meant so little to you that you could not plan ahead?

We are hurt and worried. Hurt that you are dropping out at the last minute from a trip that we have all been planning for months; worried that you are living so on the edge and yet spending what little you have on booze.

It was an April Fool's joke. I am awful at April Fool's jokes, because I feel guilty after I trick somebody. Poor Yum Yums... I'm sorry. That was mean. Of course I would never be so thoughtless, and I'm kind of surprised (horrified?) they would believe I actually spent $300 at the bar last night. Especially on Country Night. Please. Those cowboys buy me drinks and want to two-step with me till dawn. Country Night don't cost me one red cent.

I can't wait to hang out with my great friends, The Yum Yum Brotherhood:

The Handsome Prince: My best friend and the one who introduced me to all of them. His twin is Samantha on Sex and the City.

Balloon Boy: He owns a retail gift store downtown and is one of the kindest men I know. He also has a harem of boys that follow him around Portland. His Sex and the City counterpart - Miranda.

The Executive: This man owns Portland. Practically. He's got a big heart and the best stocked bar I've ever seen, and he's single, gentlemen. He's like Mr. Big on Sex and the City.

The Couple: Yum Yum Marco and Yum Yum F. are a couple and have been together for, I think, 17 years. They got married in Canada last summer. Marco's novel is being published this September.

The Politician: First openly gay elected public official in Oregon. I love him even though he's a Republican. He is the one who came up with the name "The Yum Yum Brotherhood", and I got to know his sweet romantic side last summer when he fell in love with...

The Dancer: Hot, young and barely legal. He is the one who set the trip to Vancouver up so that he could go out dancing all night in a big city. This guy is smart and sexy.

Then there is me. The comic. The one who everybody thinks will spend $300 at the bar in one night.

And if it isn't already obvious, my Sex and the City counterpart is Charlotte. The eternal romantic who swoons when somebody sends him an e-mail containing words like this:

Well as I slept last night, I held onto a pillow just wishing it was you. Something about just holding
you close, talking, getting to know each other makes me feel so warm inside.

Somebody better sell that plasma and get his ass to Portland.