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Sunday, April 11, 2004

New Beginnings (would be a lovely title for this entry if it were not horribly redundant)

Last night was so much fun. Boy Hunk and his Dutch Girl were hanging out with me and I was sipping my Maker's Mark double straight up. I was talking about random things. You know... Cleveland. Stand up comics. Irish guys. Bowlers. Volleyball. Phone Sex. (Of course we don't...what kind of slut do you think I am? I've never been with a man before - tee hee)

Boy Hunk and Dutch Girl said that I looked so good and so happy. And the truth is, I am really happy right now. And the truth is, I look good. I would do me.

It seemed like it might be a quiet night at CC Slaughters. The four of us (them, me, and my ego) sat quietly talking. Suddenly, I looked up and the bar was packed. It was like, I went into the bathroom and everything was in black and white, but when I came back out the world was in color and there were witch's feet sticking out from under the cigarette machine.

It was great seeing Yum Yums and so many friends. The Couple was there (Marco and Muscle Daddy) and Balloon Boy was there with one of his harem boys and Erin was there and....SHIT.

My ex was there. Why is he suddenly hanging out at all the same places as I do? Mardi Gras was my first time seeing him out at the bars, and I sort of lost it - cried like a baby after he left.

So there he was again talking to some guy, who he later told me was actually sort of bugging him. Though I was seething with jealousy because the ex just got back from a month in Australia paid for by the sale of "our house" - from which I got not one penny (one moment please....begin MUZAK here - probably "Walking on Sunshine" by Katrina and the Waves)

Okay, thanks for your patience. Just had to do some Yoga in my cubicle. That didn't help calm me down but firing off a few rounds into the air with my pistol did. Human Resources should be here any moment.

As I was saying, although I have been cheated and cheated on by this man, I was very kind to him.
Of course I was. Hot Toddy is always kind. Until he blogs about you later.

I walked up to CheaterThief (hey - that's a good name - I never really though "M" was appropriate) and hugged him. "I am glad you made it home safely," I said, "even if it means I don't get the inheritance."

I am still in CT's will. I'm his beneficiary. He has no siblings or parents. It all goes to me.

If he's ever murdered, I'm the prime suspect. I'm also the least likely person to ever murder him, cuz, yeah, I call him CheaterThief - but I still do love him in a "Your Behavior Disgusts Me But I'm Not Having You Killed" kind of way.

I have, however, received more than one offer from a friend to "rough him up" a little. Then again, I don't really want my friends dating my ex.

So, I had a great time dancing with the Yum Yums and with the Boy Hunk and Dutch Girl. I may have allowed CT to believe that Boy Hunk and I were dating. Is that so wrong? As it turns out, I didn't need to try to make CT jealous.

As I danced with my friends and thought about people who care about me (lots of you reading right now), I realized I didn't need to make him jealous, because my life rocks. I actually started to feel sorry for CT.

I watched him out of the corner of my eye as he danced with a couple guys, but I know him well enough to know when he is having fun and when he is faking it. Seven years together taught me how to spot the subtleties of his moods.

He wasn't having fun last night. I still worry that he is lonely. I hope not. But I can't be the one to ease his loneliness anymore.

I left the bar last night thinking of only one thing:
My life is really, really good right now, and I have never been more at peace about breaking up with CT than I am right at this moment. After a year and a half, I am at peace and looking forward to the future.

When I said I left the bar thinking of only one thing, I lied. There was one other thing on my mind.

And you know who you are. Hell, everybody does.

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