Alias

Have you ever seen the television show, "Alias", starring Jennifer Garner? It is a great show. After waiting for months and months, we faithful viewers were reunited with Sidney Bristow and Michael Vaughn this week on the season premiere.

If you've never seen the show, I have prepared a nice synopsis of what's happened so far so that you can start watching and still understand what's going on. In spite of my raging Attention Deficit Disorder, I think I did a fairly good job of summarizing the plot thus far:

In Season One Sydney Bristow was recruited out of college to work for the CIA. She got to work with a really hot guy named Michael Vaughn. Michael Vaughn has a cleft chin, so that makes him good at fighting and shooting guns and disarming bombs. Sydney can put on a blonde wig or a pair of glasses without lenses in them and completely transform her appearance except that her face and body look exactly the same no matter what she wears. Obviously, this is a match made in heaven and any viewer of any television series since "Cheers" or "Moonlighting" is already rooting for Sydney and Michael to hook up.

But they don't. Viewers wait for them to hook up, but there is always something getting in the way. Just when it looks like they are close to getting together, Rachel finds out Ross slept with another girl while they were "on a break" and everything falls apart. No, wait. That's another show. But what a coincidence that there have been other shows that use the same plot element. It's almost like a formula or something. No, that can't be right.

Anyway, Sydney tells her roommate and best friend that she works for a bank, but she really works for the CIA. But not really. She later finds out she really works for an evil organization called STD 6 or something. Then STD 6 kills Sydney's fiance when they find out she told him about - no - first she tells her fiance she works for the CIA and then STD 6 kills him. Whatever. She's mad, because now she has to find someone else to marry, which means she has to go through all the hassle of picking out a new china pattern and convincing her new fiance to go to Branson, Missouri for the honeymoon, which is no easy task.

Then, later, either in the first or second season, Sydney's roommate is killed and replaced with a Francie look-alike. Using that drug that changes your appearance so that you look like someone else (I assume it's not available over-the-counter, so check with your doctor if you think it might be right for you), the new Francie starts spying on Sydney and tries to kill her. Then some more stuff happens, and Sydney wakes up in Hong Kong or Tokyo (same thing) and has lost two years of her life. Then she finds out Michael Vaughn got married because he thought Sydney was dead and that they were on a break.

The new wife seems nice, but she's not. She's eviller than Francie, and, oh I forgot to tell you there is a bunch of stuff about Sydney's mom being a spy for the KGB, but you never can really tell if she's really evil or not. But she's beautiful, like Sydney, and can also fight and disarm bombs really well like Michael Vaughn. So you would assume with all these beautiful fighting bomb-disarming people involved with each other everyone would end up happy and in love, but somehow the writers of the show are able to keep messing with these characters lives so nobody is ever happy.

So now I think I have you caught up to Season Two or Three even though I forgot to tell you some stuff about Season One. I think the show is on the fourth season now. I think this is going to be the best season of all. Based on the previews, I think Sydney wears more blonde wigs this year. The blonde wigs disguise her better than any other wigs, in my opinion. Oh, and the evil wife who married Michael Vaughn is gone now. I won't tell you what happened, because I don't want to spoil any surprises if you haven't seen the show. Let's just say if you think the ex-wife gets mad because Michael Vaughn accidentally says, "I, Michael, take thee, Sydney - " during the wedding ceremony, you are wrong.

I hope you enjoy Alias as much as I do. If you have any questions about a character or plot element that I may have missed (doubtful), just let me know.