Featured Post

Seething Cakes of Hatred

Making pancakes, as I learned at AP's birthday bash at the beach this weekend, is an unbelievably tedious chore. I don't know why I...

Monday, January 03, 2005

Mad Human Disease

I'm a little frightened right now. I work with a Mad Lesbian, who seems ready to lose it at any moment. Don't take an angry lesbian lightly. Those women have power tools and are not afraid to use them.

Also, The Handsome Prince and his boyfriend, The Math Whiz, were mad at each other several times this weekend. To avoid the tension, I hid in my room on New Year's Day. (When I was a kid and my parents fought, I always went in my room and listened to Donny & Marie through my headphones, but now that I have porn and my own DVD player, I have better ways of dealing with stress.)

Unlike lesbians, when gay guys get mad at each other there are generally no power tools involved. They resolve their differences by either getting drunk or having angry sex. Or both. I couldn't tell for sure how THP and TMW chose to resolve their differences. I tried that trick where you hold a glass of water up to the wall and put your ear against it. But I couldn't hear anything, and my clothes got all wet. Now I have swimmer's ear on top of everything else.

This morning I heard on NPR (ooh, Hot Toddy is cultured!) that there are more Mad Cows in Canada. That one makes sense to me, though. Of course the cows are mad. Why does that surprise anyone? The cows are obviously mad because we are eating them. I can guarantee you there would be an outbreak of Mad Human Disease if cows started eating people.

With all this madness in the world, I began thinking about how we could bring happiness and peace to the masses. There is a solution, if we are willing to do what it takes. Click on the link below and vote for Hot Toddy's Toaster Oven if you want to make the world a better place. It would be nice to win, but I promise not to get mad if you don't vote for me.

I have to go now. I could swear Auburn Pisces just fired up a chainsaw in her cubicle.

No comments: