I Heart My Theater Critic

Steffen Silvis has been mean to me for a long time. He called my sketch comedy show "masturbatory" (like masturbation could somehow be a bad thing?) and claims that anyone who laughed at the production was obviously an outpatient at a mental hospital. His Portland theatre reviews are scathing, sarcastic, cruel and often unreasonable. I'm constantly angered by his bitchy rants. If he hates a show, I will probably love it. If he loves a show, there is no way I'm going to see it.

But, damn it, Steffen made me love him today. He reviewed a book on gay marriage, and I found his words to be informative, inspiring and wise. I'm sort of in shock over this sudden development. I find myself respecting him, not just because I agree with him for, perhaps, the first time EVER, but because he actually demonstrates human kindness. I am thinking of asking him to marry me, because I'm currently only engaged to three (or four?) other people. Calm down, religious right, I'm only joking.