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Wednesday, July 28, 2004

Banking 101

I just realized I only get three free withdrawals from my savings account each month. After that, I am charged $3 each time I make a withdrawal from my savings account.

When I realized this, I called the bank to see if I could have the fees removed from my account. I almost always try to get fees waived from my accounts, and am often successful. Today, however, I failed to convince my bank that they should reverse the charges. Why? Because the customer service guy sounded cute, and he made me laugh. I couldn't play hardball. I melted.

ME: I didn't know I was being charged for going over my maximum number of withdrawals.

CUTE-SOUNDING (POSSIBLY SHIRTLESS?) CUSTOMER SERVICE REP: Yes, sir. You only get three free withdrawals.

ME: Why?

C-S(PS)CSR: This encourages you to use the account appropriately.

ME: Huh?

C-S(PS)CSR: It is a savings account. The idea behind that type of account is to save money.

ME: (Laughing and feeling incredibly stupid) Yes, I think I may have heard of that financial strategy.

C-S(PS)CSR: I know I sound a lot like your ex-boyfriend right now, but you really should think about saving money and using your checking account for ATM withdrawals when you are at CC Slaughters and decide to spend another $20 on drinks. I am rubbing my chest right now as I lean back in my office chair. Are you playing with the putty on your desk? I know that you enjoy kneading it in your hands as you listen to my voice...

He didn't really say that last part. But he would be right if he had. He did sound like my ex, and he did raise a good point (along with raising other things). I need to stop spending my savings! How else am I going to get to New York this winter?

Last night, while helping The Executive prepare for Monday's recycling pick-up by draining his bottles of Maker's Mark, he and I discussed a possible plan for visiting our many new NYC blogger friends in December. But how will I come up with the money?

Maybe I should make monthly payments to the financial wiz, The Executive, and he could work his magic. When I say "work his magic" I mean that he could "not spend it" for me. Because the ability to not spend money truly is magical in my opinion. I do not have that mysterious superpower. My superpowers include mouthing off to authority figures without getting in trouble and the ability to attract men who want to be stapled. Oh, and I also have a knack for buying mac & cheese and somehow receiving an extra packet of cheese in the box. But I have not mastered money-saving magic.

And now I'm going to call my bank again. I'll be checking my balance a lot today as I play with my putty.

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