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Tuesday, July 20, 2004

Somebody is Lying
I just checked the poll results (to the right) and eight people claim to have slept with me. I could try to deceive you and say I haven't even slept with eight people in my life, but I doubt I could pull that one off. Still, I am relatively sure I haven't slept with eight of my readers. I can think of only four. If you claim to have slept with me, and your first name doesn't start with a K, M, B or P, I think you are lying. But I forgive you, because it's funny. I'm about to rant a bit, and this is not directed at you lying poll-takers. This is directed at other people.
Last night I couldn't sleep. I wondered if I should call "The Top" because he left me a nice message. But I was really making an effort to fall asleep and didn't think a chat with him would help me to relax. More likely, I would call him and then hang up with my thoughts racing...
So instead I did some thinking. Recently, I have realized friends have lied to me. The specifics don't really matter. All that matters is that it hurts. These are people I've always been truthful with. I am known in my circle of friends as the guy with no boundaries - no filters. I will tell you the truth if you ask me. A lot of times I will tell you the truth if you don't ask me. I like to say what I feel and be honest about what I'm thinking, even if it might be "too much information".
I don't lie to impress my friends or to get a man in bed. For example, I know I could pass for being in my mid-twenties and probably get more dates. But I'm not in my mid-twenties anymore, so I don't tell people that I am. I won't tell you "I can't stop thinking about you," if it's not true. "I have never felt this way about anyone before," will not be uttered from my lips unless it's true that I have never felt this way about anyone before. If you just want me to sleep with you, please say, "I just want you to sleep with me." I might just do it, and I won't hate you afterwards for using romantic lies to lure me into your bed. 
What is the point of coming out of the closet and telling the world the truth about who you are if you are going to continue lying to people about other things? Are you afraid of being honest? You should be more afraid of being caught in a lie. If you tell the truth, nobody can hurt you, because you have nothing to hide.
I remember when Ellen DeGeneres was interviewed by Oprah the day the coming out episode aired on "Ellen". Oprah asked Ellen what changed for her after coming out. Ellen replied that nobody could hurt her anymore. I know the feeling. The day I told my best friend in college that I was gay, I felt so liberated. Here was a person who knew my deepest darkest secret and still loved me! I felt invincible.
Lying is tough. When you lie to people around you, it takes a lot of work to keep your stories straight. You have to work hard to be consistent. You have to keep your guard up. And if you are caught in a lie, it can be so humiliating.
A friend told me recently that he always knows I will tell the truth. He asked me why I am always so honest. "I have never been hurt by telling the truth," I answered. He then admitted that he has been hurt in the past by lying to people far more than if he had just been honest. 
I have fallen prey to liars so many times. My ex, CheaterThief, was a liar. Throughout our relationship I consistently complimented him and loved him, and I think he sometimes felt I was too kind to him. He wanted some "constructive criticism" now and then. The day we split up he asked me to tell him one thing I didn't like about him. "You don't tell the truth," I said.
"You're right. I don't," he said. And that was that. He didn't seem to take my statement as an insult. He accepted it as fact and had no remorse about it. I guess that is one reason he and I never would have lasted.
I don't have a nice neat way to wrap up this post. People are lying to me. If you are one of the liars, you know it. What you probably don't realize is that I know it too. I've caught you in your lies, but I haven't confronted you on it. And I won't confront you because, frankly, I don't trust you to come clean. I think you will probably tell me another lie to cover your tracks.
It doesn't bode well for us. It's only a matter of time before your lies drive me away from you. I'm not one to give up quickly. I invest in people too much to just give up. But everybody has a limit, and although you think I don't have any boundaries, I have to tell you this...
If you lie to me, I don't want you in my life.
How's that for a boundary?

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