I thought the weirdest thing about my date this weekend was that he claims to be eighty percent straight. I'm trying to decide if the percentage changes each time we sleep together. Does he become more gay with each of our sexual encounters?
I feel for 80/20 because he is really confused right now. He told me this weekend that all of his one night stands have been with men and all of his relationships have been with women. I think he is having a hard time because we've been more than a one night stand but are not really "in a relationship".
Well, I now realize that the weirdest thing about 80/20 is not his confusion. It is the fact that he likes to staple himself. And he demonstrated how he likes to flog himself with a belt covered in metal studs. He asked me to feel the welts left by the belt.
I am willing to try a lot of new things, but so far I have never hit one of my dates. I kind of try to avoid hitting or hurting my dates. I don't know what to do now.
Recently, I watched the DVD commentary for an episode in the final season of Sex and the City. The director mentioned that Aiden was Carrie's emotional match and Burger was Carrie's mental match. 80/20 seems like my mental match. We spar verbally all the time. He and I went to dinner and exchanged funny quips throughout the meal. He wants to bring back the limerick, and he quoted one he wrote about an airplane engine. It was brilliant and funny. 80/20 has so much to say and has a knack for using language creatively. He's passionate about music and really impresses me with his knowledge of various musical styles and artists. He makes great cuban coffee. He likes to cuddle. He is interesting and sexy to me. But I am extremely guarded about allowing myself to care too much too soon. Especially since he is not clear about what he wants.
Yum Yum Marco and I had a great talk yesterday as we floated in a swimming pool at a big gay party. He told me that he doesn't think my recent string of strange dates are a reflection on me. He says I am not doing anything wrong. The right guy just hasn't come along yet. I hope Marco is right. Maybe I had it too easy the first time. Meeting CT was memorable and powerful.
I remember the day CT walked into rehearsal for a show I was in. I stopped in my tracks and felt myself draw in a quick breath. "Welcome to the show," I said. He smiled and later told me he fell for me in that instant. Five months later we lived together.
I guess I already had my "love at first sight" moment, so it is only fair that I experience a string of romantic misses. But I am a little bit like Veruca Salt...
I want the world.
I want the whole world.
I want to lock it up in my pocket
It's my bar of chocolate
Give it to me now!