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Seething Cakes of Hatred

Making pancakes, as I learned at AP's birthday bash at the beach this weekend, is an unbelievably tedious chore. I don't know why I...

Thursday, July 29, 2004

The Patron Saint of The Path of Least Resistance

That's me. If there is an easy way out, I will find it.

I was in college when I first realized this. I was studying Psychology. My friend, Chip, asked me why I chose that as my major.

"Because it's easy, and I'm good at it."

Chip was stunned. He couldn't believe I chose my major based on the lack of effort it required. Successful people don't think that way, do they? Chip has produced documentaries for National Geographic. He always has a new art project or screenplay in progress.

My friend Marco, whose first novel will be published in a few weeks, often reviews my rough drafts for essays or theatre pieces and writes "CDB" next to my paragraphs and sentences. CDB means "could do better". I get a lot of CDBs on my work.

It is easier for me to write, "I am so tired today" than it is to come up with something snappy like, "my energy level is lower than Paris Hilton's IQ..." or whatever. (Or whatever. Such a lazy way to end a sentence...)

Last night I was talking to Juju about a possible job opportunity that I have. She said that she has heard me voice frustrations about my current situation for over a year but has never seen me take action to change it. Ouch. The truth hurts.

I'm becoming dissatisfied with my willingness to take the easy way out. The easiest way out is often inertia. I have been told that I have a gift for writing, and I have done so little with it. I told someone yesterday that the reason I haven't written a book is that nobody is standing over my shoulder telling me I have to complete it before I am 40.

Famous Author Rob Byrnes told me "we're through" if I didn't write a manuscript in two months. That was three months ago, and I haven't even attempted an outline. So far he hasn't withdrawn his friendship, for which I'm grateful. I'm not looking for comfort, here. I won't get anywhere if people keep telling me to "stop being so hard on myself..."

Maybe if I were harder on myself, I would develop some discipline and stop cruising through life accomplishing nothing. Okay, if I could be more objective here, I would say that I actually have accomplished a few things. I've written a one act play that was well-received by the audience. I've collaborated with other writers/actors to create three shows that have been relatively successful. But there is a glaring red-inked CDB scrawled over these achievements.

I've never published anything. I've never even tried. I don't know where to begin. And, so far, I have been too lazy to seek out the answers. Maybe admitting this to the millions dozens who read Toaster Oven is a step in the right direction.

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